absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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