we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
