Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Randomize