I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
