I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
