Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
