i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
