using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
