take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
