At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish i was in the wii world.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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