Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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