my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
