We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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