I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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