I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize