i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
