My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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