Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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