If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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