Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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