Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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