that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
