This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
