Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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