I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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