I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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