I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
