Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
