im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
