hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
