Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
