I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
