oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
