Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i dont even know how to be here
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
