my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
