those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Of course I have a pirate flag
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
