So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
