i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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