Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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