ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
