He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
