OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
