i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
