All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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