Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
