I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I didn't notice because vodka
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
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