dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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