He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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