There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
