Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
