it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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