I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize