Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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