i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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