Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it hurts more in the daytime
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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