We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize