Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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