You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
