dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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