just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
