im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
