Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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